I'm just PART OF THE QUEUE

Life

2008-03-29T01:25:00.000-07:00

There's no way out and there's only one way in. We can fall from the sky like frogs

Sounds good to me
Where do i sign up?

Heh heh

2008-03-25T17:35:00.001-07:00

What's Your High School Stereotype?
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Loner

Loner

75%

Stoner

75%

Goth

63%

Punk/Rebel

50%

Ghetto gangsta

44%

Drama nerd

31%

Prep/Jock/Cheerleader

13%

Geek

lie....

2008-03-12T17:07:00.000-07:00

awrigt. i admit it. i do believe in love at first sight... now shut up...

These dumb emails got sent again. Here...

2008-03-10T20:53:00.000-07:00

UNO

Wrath
Who did you last get angry with?
liz

What is your weapon of choice?
for who?

Would you hit a member of the opposite sex?
yup

How about the same sex?
duh

Who was the last person who got really angry at you?
dunno...

What is your pet peeve?
being avoided

Do you keep grudges, or can you let them go easily?
i don't let anything go

Sloth
What is one thing you're supposed to do daily that you haven't?
homework

What is the latest you've ever woken up?
6. hospital

Name a person you've been meaning to contact, but haven't?
mikky

What is the last lame excuse that you made?
I don't wanna

Have you ever watched an infomercial all the way through?
yeah. good times mikky. we laughed at the oxyclean guy

How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock this morning?
i don't have a clock...

Gluttony
What is your overpriced yuppie beverage of choice?
none

Are you a meat eater?
recovering vegetarian. cos i have to to have kids

What is the greatest amount of alcohol you've had in one sitting/outing/event?
never nope wont

Are you comfortable with your drinking and eating habits?
yeah

Do you enjoy candy and sweets?
no. they give my tummy aches

Which do you prefer: sweets, salty foods or spicy foods?
salty

Have you ever looked at a small house pet or child and thought, "lunch"?
what kind of fuck up...? NO

Greed
How many credit cards do you own?
none.

If you had a million dollars, what would you do with it?
divide it btn the ppl i love

Would you rather be rich or famous?
rich.

Would you accept a boring job if it meant that you would make megabucks?
never

Pride
What's one thing that you have done that you're most proud of?
nothing...

What's one thing you have done that your parents are most proud of?
a's

What thing would you like to accomplish late in your life?
peace corps

Do you get annoyed by coming in second place?
always. i don't show it though

Have you ever entered a contest of skill, knowing you were of much higher skill than all the other competitors?
used to all the time. chess, soccer, riding. then others started getting good

Have you ever cheated to get a better score?
nope

What did you do today that you're proud of?
nothing

Lust
How many people have you seen naked (not counting movies, family, strippers, locker rooms)?
uno

How many people have seen you naked (not counting physicians, doctors, family, locker rooms, or when you were a young child)?
uno

Have you ever caught yourself staring at the chest/crotch of a person of your chosen sex during a normal conversation?
no. but noses are a big turn on for me so i have done that...

What is your favorite body part of a person of your gender choice?
nose... lol

Have you ever had sexual encounters (including kissing/making out) with multiple persons?
what?

Have you ever been propositioned by a prostitute?
ermmm.. NO

Envy
What item of your friends would you most want to have for your own?
a friend

Who would you want to go on "Trading Spaces" with?
quoi?

If you could be anyone who existed in the world, who would you be?
someone who knows noel

Have you ever been cheated on?
hope not

Have you ever wished you had a physical feature different from your own?
all the time

What inborn trait do you see in others that you wish you had for yourself?
yeah i agree with kenz. singing

What deadly sin...
Do you do the most often?
envy/ sloth

Do you do the least often?
lust

Is your favorite to act on?
i plead the fifth

DOS

+ known as: tahra (i like to go by noel online)
+ haircolor: brown
+ eyecolor: blueish/greenish/greyish... who am i kidding. DULL if thats a colour

SECTION 2 - HAVE YOU EVER..
+ fallen off the bed? lol...
+ broken someone elses heart? ... dunno
+ had a dream come true? eerily, all the time

SECTION 3 - CURRENTLY:
+ wearing: shirt and jeans (what else is new?)
+ listening to: oasis
+ chatting with: marissa
+ watching: the computer
+ should REALLY be going swimming

SECTION 4 - DO YOU..
+ brush your teeth? not lydon... YEAH
+ do u have a cell phone? yeah

SECTION 5 - THE LAST PERSON YOU..
+ talked to: marissa
+ IMed/texted: Jacob
+ talked with on the phone: workman

SECTION 7 - PERSONAL..
+ what do you want to be when you grow up: a mum
+ do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? ... sure

SECTION 8- FAVORITES..
+ movie: all that jazz
+ band: oasis/beatles/sex pistols
+ food: noodles
+ Color: orange/black/green
+ like to walk in the rain? <333333333333 style="border-bottom: 1px dashed rgb(0, 102, 204); cursor: pointer;" class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1205206635_0">MTV?: NEITHER
+ 7th heaven or dawsons creek? see above
+ chocolate or flowers?: flowers
+ stay up late or sleep in?: haha stay up late and then sleep in
+ hot or cold? hot
+ sun or moon?: moon
+ left or right?: right
+ 10 acquaintances or one best friend?: one best friend
+ mustard or ketchup? ketchup
+ spring or fall? spring
+ happy or sad?: who's gonna answer sad?
+ wonder or amazement?: wonder. it leaves me thinking
+ McDonald's or Burger King?:fries from burger king. nothing else. recovering vegetarian
+ mexican or italian food?: both
+ first dog: ponch
+ first piercing/tattoo : ears

SECTION 12: LASTS..
+ last car ride: with my mum
+ last phone call: weren't we over this? workman
+ last time showered: this morning
+ last item bought: a shirt
+ last website visited: myspace
+ last words you said: im singing so...

SECTION 13: CURRENT..
+ current mood: tired
+ current food: nada
+ current hair: as always, insane
+ current annoyance(s): people
+ current hate: same as always. watch out laura!

MARK THE THINGS THAT APPLY TO YOU : x's

[] I am shorter than 5 feet

[xxx] I think I'm ugly sometimes

[] I tan easily .

[x] I wish my hair was a different color.

[x] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.

[] I have a tattoo.

[x] I have/I've had braces.

[] I SHOULD wear glasses/contacts

[] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.

[x] I've been told I'm attractive by a complete stranger.

[] I have more than 2 piercings.

[] I have/had piercings in places besides my ears.

[] I have freckles.

[xxxxxxxxxxxx] I've run away from home for 3 minutes or more.

[xxxxx] I've been kicked out of the house.

[] I have a sibling less than one year old.

[xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx] I want to have kids someday.

[] I've had children.

[x] I'm in school.

[] I have a job.

[x]I've fallen asleep at work/school.

[] I always do my homework.

[x] I've missed more than a week of school.

[x] I've been on the Honor Roll within the last 2 years.

[] I failed more than 1 class last year.

[] I've stolen something from my job.

[] I've been fired.

[] I've slipped out a "lol" in a spoken conversation.

[x] Disney movies still make me cry.

[xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx shut up its genetic] I've snorted while laughing.

[x] I've laughed so hard I've cried.

[] I've glued my hand to something.

[x] I've laughed 'til some kind of beverage came out of my nose.

[] I've had my pants rip/drop in public.

Health

[xxxx] I've gotten stitches.
[x] I've had broken a bone
[x] I've had my tonsils removed.
[xx (kenz and chlo)] I've sat in a doctors office with a friend.
[] I've had my wisdom teeth removed.
[xxx] I had a serious surgery
[] I've had chicken pox.

Traveling

[x] I've driven over 200 miles in one day.
[x] I've been on a plane.
[] I've been to Canada.
[] I've been to Disneyworld, Orlando.
[] I've been to Mexico.
[] I've been to Niagara Falls.
[] i've been to Japan.
[] I've Celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
[x born there] I've been to Europe.
[] I've been to Africa.
[] I've been to the Bahamas.

Experiences

[x] I've gotten lost in my city.
[x] I've seen a shooting star
[x] I've wished on a shooting star.
[] I've seen a meteor shower.
[x] I've gone out in public in my pajamas.
[x] I've pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
[] I've kicked a guy where it hurts
[x] I've been to a casino.
[] I've been skydiving.
[x] I've gone skinny dipping.
[] I've drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour
[] I've crashed a car.
[] I've been skiing.
[] I've been snowboarding.
[x] I've been in a play.
[x] I've caught a snowflake on my tongue.
[] I've seen the Northern Lights.
[x] I've sat on a roof top at night.
[x] I've played chicken.
[x] I've played a prank on someone.
[x] I've ridden in a taxi.
[x] I've seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
[x]I've eaten Sushi.

Honesty/Crime

[] I have lied to my parents about where I am.
[x] I am keeping a secret from the world.
[x] I've cheated while playing a game.
[] I've run a red light
[] I've been suspended from school.

Death and Suicide

[] I'm afraid of dying.
[x] I hate funerals.
[x] I've seen someone dying.
[] Someone close to me has committed suicide.
[x] I've written a eulogy for myself.
[x] Suicide seems the only way out
[x half. i don't seem to be able to die] I've thought about suicide but never gone through with it

Materialism

[] own over 5 rap CDs.
[x] I own iPod or MP3 player
[] I own a real designer purse
[] I own an accessory other than a purse from a designer
[x] I own something from Hot Topic.
[x] I own something from Pac Sun.
[] I collect comic books.
[x] I own something from The Gap.
[] I own something I got on e-bay.
[] half of my closet is abercrombie/hollister/american eagle

Random

[] I can sing well
[] I've stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.
[] I open up easily to others.
[] I watch the news.
[x] I hate hearing songs that sacrifice meaning for the sake of being able to rhyme.
[x] I sing in the shower.
[] I am a morning person.
[x] I paid for my cell phone ring tone.
[] I'm a snob about grammar.
[x] I am a sports fanatic.
[x] I twirl my hair
[] I've copied more than 20 CD's in a day.
[x] I bake well. NOT TO BE TAKEN IN MS PRINCE STYLE
[x] My favorite color is either white, green, yellow, pink, red or blue.
[x] I would wear pajamas to school.
[] I like Martha Stewart.
[x] I laugh at my own jokes.
[] I eat fast food weekly.
[x] I believe in ghosts.
[] I am online 24/7 even with an away message.
[x] I've not turned anything in and still got an A in a certain class
[xxxxxxxxxxxxxx] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room.
[x] I am ticklish.
[x] I love white chocolate
[i used to] I bite my nails.
[x] play video games
[x] I'm good at remembering faces.
[] I'm good at remembering names.
[] I'm good at remembering dates.
[] I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life

WOULD YOU RATHER..

1. Be serious or be funny? both
2. Drink whole or skim milk? skim
3. Die in a fire or drown? drown, its hard but it would be fulfilling
4. Spend time with your parents or enemies? parents

DO YOU PREFER..

1. Do you prefer gray or black? black
2. lust or love?: love
3. empty or full? full

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY..

1. Do you like anyone? yeah... more people than i should
2. Do you dance? ive tried. i cant
3. Do you steal?never in a million years
4. Do you believe in love at first sight? nope

RANDOM..

1. What will you be doing when it turns 2009?
doing something in college

2. How did you get the idea for your MySpace name?
i love noel!

3. What song are you listening to right now?
i said oasis

4. Has the death of a celebrity ever made you cry?
when i found out about lennon when i was little and harrison recently. yeah i bawled

6. Do you own an iPod?
mp3

7. What was the first thing you thought this morning?
i have to get up... kill me

8. What would be your ideal job?
mum

9. What will you be doing tonight?
sleeping

10. What's your favorite memory from last weekend?
talking to workman on friday

11. What are the last two digits of your phone number?
87

12. What was the last thing you ate?
peas. thats what i ate for dinner

13. What was last thing you drank?
water

14. What was the last movie you watched?
soylent green EWWWW

15. What/Who do you dislike at the moment?
same as always

16. What food do you crave right now?
noodles

17. What did you dream last niight?
none of your business

18. What was the last TV show you watched?
lost

19. What is your favorite piece of jewelry?
my ring that i lost. (sorry mikky)

20. Name someone on your top friends who is just like you?
closest to that is mik

21. Who last text messaged you?
jacob

22. Are you on any kind of medication right now?
a lot

23 . What side of the bed do you sleep on?
middle

TRES

1. Are you taller than your best friend?
which one?

2. Do you have a favorite type of pen?
yup blue or red bic. i only like the real cheap kind

3. Look at your planner for March 20th, what are you doing?
not sure yet. prolly hanging with workman and spiller but idk

4. What color are your toenails usually?
black.

5. What was the last thing you highlighted?
accidentally highlighted something kenz and i were talking about in art
O.O

6. What color are the curtains in your bedroom?
green blinds

7. What color are the seats in your vehicle?
black

8. Have you ever had a black and white cat?
nope. my grandpa did though

9. What is the last thing you put a stamp on?
yeah a letter

10. Do you know anyone who lives in Wyoming?
not that i know of

11. Why did you withdraw cash from the ATM the last time?
i didn't

12. Who is the last baby that you held?
how old is baby?

13. Can you spell well?
nope

14. Do you like Cinnamon toothpaste?
anything cinnoman

15. What's your DREAM car?
vw bug

17. Last time you went to Six Flags?
idk

18. Do you have any wallpaper in your house?
No...

19. Closest thing to you that is yellow
nothing. i'm all black. there now theres a yellow pic on the computer

21. Who is the last person you wrote a check to?
No one

22. Closest framed picture to you?
NOEL!!!

23. Last time you had someone cook for you?
my mum today

25. How many emails do you get in your inbox daily (excluding spam)?
about 20

26. Last time you received flowers?
new years eve

27. Do you play air guitar?
all the time. and yeah i use my brush as a microphone and dance in my underwear when no ones looking. thats so me... HA

28. Are you craving anyone or anything right now?
maybe... ;)

29. Has anyone ever proposed to you?
yeah and seriously too

30. Do you take anything in your coffee?
cream and sugar

31. Do you own any Willow Tree figurines?
wtf???

32. What is/was your high school's mascot?
Huskies (gayyyyyyyyyyy)

33. Last person you spoke to from high school?
marissa rite now

34. Last time you used hand sanitizer?
im allergic

35. Would you like to learn to play the drums?
love to if i could. have no rhythm

36. What color are the blinds in your living room?
White

38. Last thing you read in the newspaper?
dunno

39. What was the last pageant you attended?
somethin for church i bet

40. What is the last place you bought pizza from?
costco

41. Have you ever worn a crown?
tiara

42. What is the last thing you stapled?
Paper

43. Did you ever drink clear Pepsi?
such thing?

44. Are you ticklish?
Very

45. Last time you saw fireworks?
new years eve

46. Last time you had a Krispy Kreme doughnut?
dont say that. now i want them too!

47. What do you wish you were doing right now?
swimming

48. Last time you parked under a carport?
i don't drive YET

49. Do you have a black dog?
yup! I LOVE HIM ILOVEHIMILOVEHIM

50. What is your favorite drink?
water

51.Are you an aunt or uncle?..
no

52. Who has the prettiest eyes that you know?
HAHA cat. and... NOEL!!!!!!!!!!!! or Jakob (not u mullet or khaz...) and someone else in my life. NOT SAYING EITHER. no one knows. cept maybe kenz. we talked about him in art today

53. Last time you saw a semi?
Don't care.

54. What is the last song you belted out in the car?
DLBIA. last song that played so...

55. Do you have a little black dress?
yeah but i would never wear it cept in front of the person who gave it to me... trust me, u don't want to see

QUATRO

TEN things you wish you could say to TEN different people right now:

1. You are my best friend. You are the most wonderful person I've ever met. I can tell you anything (except what doesn't matter anymore that i said i won't tell you unless it ever matters again). I love you and i hope that you feel the same about me and will always tell me what you're thinking
2. You are one of my best friends and I love you a lot. You may think that my other friends are replacing you because you've told me but i love you a lot!
3. You've had a hard time of it and I can't believe that you're still such a wonderful loving person. although you can be mean (and you think i'm mean to you because you're jewish) i love you so much and i will always be here for you if/when you fall. don't ever forget that you have a friend.
4. I feel like you're not there anymore and i don't love you either anymore. i still like you but... thanks for shutting me out when you found out the truth
5. I love you more than you will ever know but I'm rethinking some of the things i have promised to you. its not a no, it's just not a for sure yes anymore
6. I can't wait for you to die. You killed someone I love. I will kill you
7. Sorry if you ever feel like i don't care about you.... I love you
8. I'm sorry that i've been making your life so hard. i have issues making decisions then i second guess them...
9. i hate you. you hurt me worse than you will ever be able to comprehend. i let you in to my shell and you broke it. you're a horrid person and i wish that you could see the pain you cause me and others. you made it so that i don't know what to do/believe. Have a good life
10. You're a great person. i thought you didn't like me and i'm so glad that you do! I hope that well just continue to be better friends each day than the day before

NINE things about yourself:

1. i act smarter than i am
2. i love music
3.. i love a few people and the rest are just outsiders but don't seem to realize when its them i want to go
4. when i push you away its mostly my way of drawing you closer
5.. i dont care if youre jewish or christian, black or white, gay or straight, i love you if you love me
6. i'm passive agressive
7. i don't do well with choices
8. i'm afraid of everything
9. i want to be independent but i don't think ill ever truly be

EIGHT ways to win your heart:

1. love me as much as i love you and show it
2. don't think that i don't want you
3. dont act like an ass because i turn you down (jakob!!!) (love you)
4. don't fuck with my friends. i can be a bitch
5. tell me i love you when i tell you unless you don't
6. dont pretend i'm not there
7. don't always take offense when i get mad at you
8. stop acting superior in everything

SEVEN things that cross your mind a lot:

1. Mikky (i worry about you)
2. Workman
3. Caitlin
4. ways to die
5. music
6. Noel
7. death

SIX things you wish you never did:

1. get myself stuck in a situation where i don't want to be
2. brought the thing that workman doesn't need to know up last nite... ill never hear the end of it
3. left my aunt jan
4. sometimes been born
5. wrote my mum that note
6. told jackson i liked him when we were in like 5th grade. he never liked me after that

FIVE turn offs:

1. bad music
2. catholicism
3. messing with my friends
4. being an ass when i turn you down (love you j)
5. pretending you don't know me

FOUR turn ons:

1. guys with big noses
2. unconditional love
3. accepting me for who i am
4. trying to like my music

THREE smileys that describe your life:

1. :'(
2. :)
3. >.< style="border-bottom: 1px dashed rgb(0, 102, 204); cursor: pointer;" class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1205207630_24">manchester and have a family

ONE confession:

1. i've done things i will never admit to you unless i trust you more than i ever thought possible (or i'm really high)

THE WAY I SEE IT! LMFAO

2008-03-10T20:45:00.001-07:00

we had to write this for geometry ...

Valentine's Day comes every year, falling without fail on February 14. In our hallmark society where people just can't seem to get enough of each other, we have changed this historic day into a hyped up holiday where everyone gives flowers and candy and comes up with goofy ways to tell other people that there might still be hope for them. The more intelligent of our species, tend to shy away from the superficial gift giving that is Valentine's Day and some even know the true story behind the day. When you look at it, what happened wasn't exactly as sweet as our advertising industry would have you think.

St. Valentine was a man. There are many different stories about the accomplishments St. Valentine made and the punishments that he faced for them. The most famous is that the Emperor at the time (Claudius II) decided that men shouldn't be married, as it discouraged them to fight as heroically in battle. So he did the logical thing that any power crazed emperor of third century Rome would do. He outlawed marriages. St. Valentine didn't like this and he continued to marry men and women. Only now it was in secret. However, in another tale, Valentine helped Christians escape the prison systems where they were often beaten and tortured before death.

Despite the differences between the stories, they end the same way. Claudius found out in the end, and Valentine was sentenced to death. While he was in jail, he fell for his jailor's daughter, and with a card that he signed "From your Valentine", he hurled us feet first into the ever popular "Be my Valentine" greeting card.

Stories have always and will always vary about who St. Valentine actually was. Some choose to view him as a heroic, loving man who became a martyr of love. Others see that he was a very brave but foolish man who threw his life away fighting against a roman emperor (which by the way, should be right up on top of the list of things you're not going to do if you want to live).

The thing that most people wonder after hearing the story behind St. Valentine's Day is why it's a day that people celebrate with cards and flowers. The answer is that it started out just like every holiday, a religious ceremony. This ceremony, held in honor of St. Valentine, was a feast to commemorate his death. Although other stories say that it was to Christianize a Pagan holiday in February. During this celebration, the Romans would sacrifice a goat to Lupa, the mother of Romulous and Remus and the men would pull names of the women out of a jar and be paired with them for the next year. The pairings usually ended in marriage.

Whichever story is accurate, the same thing happened to this fest that has happened to almost every other holiday. People decided that you needed to support our country's economy to celebrate and the advertising agencies had no problem with that. Ever since then, Valentine's Day has been a hallmark holiday that is characterized by the card giving and the buying of flowers.

Now that you know the story, maybe I've ruined a holiday for you. If I have, you just have to remember that Valentine's Day is a holiday that has been taken from its original form and contorted until it is nothing more than a day when people exchange meaningless "I love you's" and give flowers that will no doubt die in about the same amount of time that the meaningless pledges of love will. But for all its drawbacks, Valentine's Day in its original meaning, a day to celebrate a priest who gave his life for love is a wonderful thing. Next time February 14 rolls around, don't think of pink and flowers, and paper hearts, do me a favour, think of a roman guy who's dead now. I think that's all a person can really ask of anyone.

!!NOEL!!

2008-02-26T19:11:00.001-08:00

Noel's the third one from the left. His brother is the one to the left of him. Noel is my favourite. In every way. Inne gorgeous?Lol. It is true though. And he writes AMAZING lyrics... I haven't even HEARD the song and I'm in love with it... Lookit...

Let's All Make Believe
----------------------------------------
Is anyone here prepared to say
Just what they mean or is it too late?
For anyone here to try to do
Just what is takes to get through to you

So let's all make believe
That we're still friends and we like each other
Let's all make believe
In the end we're gonna need each other

Stradle my hope and make me pray
To a God I've never seen, but who I've betrayed
To the people who live the earth, the life In a place I'll never be 'til I'm crucified

So let's all make believe
We're still friends and we like each other
Let's all make believe
In the end we'll need each other

Let's all make believe
That all mankind's gonna feed our brother
Let's all make believe
That in the end we'll all grow up

So let's all make believe
We're still friends and we like each other
Let's all make believe
In the end we'll need each other

Let's all make believe
That all mankind's gonna feed our brother
Let's all make believe
That in the end we'll all grow up

Sid...

2008-02-26T16:09:00.001-08:00

Why Sid? Why?
First: He looks horrid... But inne amazing?
Second one... What heroine does to you... O.o
Thirs... Ew... Just ew...

hey. you still gotta love John Simon Ritchie Vicious though... lol. what a name. i want his last name though... It would suit me

Awww! What a cute boy!
He turns out to be the man
shown above

Thank GOD I finally got rid of her

2008-02-26T15:22:00.000-08:00

It's about damned time that she left. I knew that email would be offensive enough to finally get rid of her. So... My best friend just told me how much he hated her because she tried to get me in trouble with him. But that's why I love Mik. He's reasonable... Sometimes (Heh...) And the thing is that I know that he'll always know that I would never lie to him or hide things from him. He knows everything about me (pretty much...) and he's one of the many many people who the doesn't think that the world would be better without me (looks like the little cunt is alone on that one). and at least all my friends think that its the opposite of what she said... better without her. i don't disagree. I'm making kenzie's cd now (I really am this time) and then I have a cd that i have to make for someone I don't like because i promised, and the few promises I make, I keep. whether the person deserves it or not... So I have cds to make but I will be back with more news from my fun filled life soon. bye now

Ha. She was saying I want pitty. This is a cute email

2008-02-26T09:21:00.000-08:00

Well well well...
The green parts are my comments to these thoughts:

All I ask is that you read this, and respond. Just so I know you read it. You don't have to say anything about it if you don't want to. I just need to be sure this got to you. (she doesn't sound desperate for my attention at all) Use my new e-mail: . I just used this adress so I wouldn't end up in your bulk folder. Well, here I go...

You've done it. You want to know what you've done? Completely pushed me over the edge thats what. I know this is going to sound dramatic, but not a word of it is exagerated.

Last week, I almost cut myself. (cute and I'M the coward... Hmmm...) You're going to think it's no big deal, I know. The big deal is the reason why. I wasn't upset. I wasn't depressed, Hell, I wasn't even angry. My reasoning? Revenge. And I can't stand myself for it. All I wanted was to make you feel the way I did when I found out. So you'd go through the same stress, and actualy be on the recieving end for once. (She thinks I've never lost anyone. HA! That's more than half of the reason I'm the way I am darling)

theres more

I havn't forgotten about you. and no matter how hard I try, (Awww... Cute. What does she want? When I tried to patch it up after that she was like nope so... Who fucking cares?) I can't give up completely. Ever since I found out, my mind has been filled with ways to try and fix this. Well, and idea came up. Came in to my head as casualy and easily as the thought to report you. It didn't leave as easy. It's still there. Suicide. (Ooooohhhhh) Not beacuse I want to escape, but to make you see reason. I have no real friends. The school hates me. If my suicide were to effect anyone, yours would be 10 times worse. (Well only after you stopped being my friend. You would've had friends... Your loss love) The idea didn't scare me. It seemed a very likable, logical option. The only thing is, I wanted so badly to see how you'd react. My empty desk, to see life after my death. What DOES scare me, is the fact that the only thing that kept me from doing it (It still seems like a possible solution), was the thought that it wouldn't be worth it. Whats the point if I can't ever find out if I made a difference? If I could die, and watch the world suffer, I'd do it easily. (Well aint she just a big bucket of sunshine. You've gotta love this princess) Hell, I still think I could. Sick isn't it? Drastic, but appealing. It hasn't left since it came. This should be a wake up call for you. YOU EFFECT PEOPLE. You've dragged me under to drown. (And since you rejected my attempts at a make up, I've left you there)

This does not mean I expect a face to face talk with you. As a matter a fact, If you have anything to say about any of this, tell me via e-mail. I don't want to speak to you and I don't plan on it. I'm not crawling back to you and grovelling as i've done before. (Ha. (Intense sarcasm warning... cover children's ears) It sure as hell doesn't sound like it from that lovely letter) I just thought you deserved to know. I'll give you that. Tommorow will be normal. I will ignore you, you will ignore me. Just give me comfirmation that you have recieved this, and possibly respond to the contents of this letter. Oh, and stay away from the drugs, perscription and otherwise. (yes I've noticed) (:P)

See you later, talk to you never,

A forgotten friend (Hahahahahahahahahahah! Last attempt to pull pity from me)

Spacehog- and Noel can't help putting it Bluntly

2008-02-25T14:29:00.000-08:00

Well. The other night Mo spent the night and we were up until like 7 30.

It was awesome.

We made this really good cake too.
And I found out that this band Spacehog (top) with Roy and Ant Langdon (GREAT BAND!!!) broke up a number of years ago... : (

.... .... ...But the good thing.... ..... .... ROY AND ANT HAVE A NEW BAND WITH THEIR BROTHER, CHRISTIAN called Arckid... It's not Spacehog, but it is... Because it's the Langdon bros... Ha. Thats pretty cool.
Oh well.

Hey Kenz. I promise I'll make your CD tonight yeah? I am actually getting a bit bored so I'm putting pictures on.

under spacehog is johnny lydon. he was actually very good looking when he was younger when he wasn't trying to be a total freak...

and this is just great. Click on the picture of Noel and it'll take you to a great article about him and James Blunt (gag) when you open this page, look at the look of disgust on his face (it's the same look I can't help looking at a certain person with...)

It's Getting Better (Man)!!

2008-02-22T11:23:00.001-08:00

Christ. Oasis has a song for everything. Including how I feel right now...

Say Something shout it from the roof tops off your head
Make it sort of mean something make me understand or I'll forget
The people here on life's beaches they wish upon the waves that hide the sand
Let them know that life teaches you to build a castle in the hand

Maybe the songs that we sing are wrong
Maybe the dreams that we dream are gone
So bring it on home and it wont be long
It's getting better man!

Hey! What was that you said to me?
Just say the word and I'd be free?
And where the stars are shining bright
It's getting better man!
And crashing in upon a wave
It's calling out beyond the grave
And We're the fire in the sky
We're getting better man!

Build something build a better place and call it home
Even if it means nothing you'll never-ever feel that you're alone

: )

2008-02-21T15:44:00.001-08:00

I'm happy. I couldn't care less what the fucking little whore who calls herself "depressed" thinks anymore. She could say whatever she wants and I wouldn't bat an eye. I saw her fake scratches and laughed. Yet another person who wants to be like me. Ha. They don't know what they're missing. The view from down here is BEAUTIFUL! It must be much better than the one she gets up her own ass.

Life Goals

2008-02-16T12:18:00.000-08:00

I was thinking that I think I might know what I want to do if I have to live (looks like I'm stuck here so...)
These are the things that I would like to do...
1) Meet and interview (and make friends with) Noel Gallagher (God of our time)
2) Write a book about Noel
3) Join the Peace Corps
4) Get married and have kids (and name one after john lennon/my dad, Noel/Liam, and have a girl named Stella Luna and Janet after my beloved aunt. God Rest Her Soul)
5) See Oasis, David Bowie, and The Dandy Warhols perform...

I wonder if doing any of those things will make me feel like my life has done something. I feel like a bug under the shoe of God... Damn...

Hmm...

2008-02-16T12:11:00.000-08:00

Well, I'm really not sure if I'm happy or miserable. I think that I have what I want. But I don't. Or do I? I'm not sure.
It sucks to be so indecisive. I suppose what I need to do is to just tell the person who is making me happy and miserable at the same time that they are. I have to tell them that they need to back off just a little bit. I like love but it suffocates me. I hate getting so close to people. It's too late though.
I'm a twat... I just kept letting them think that they were helping and they were making things just a bit worse. It just feels like everything is blowing up at me, but really I'm just being an immature baby and I need to grow up and learn how to be somewhat comfortable living with a committed relationship.
I hold such double standards for people, I demand to be the only thing that people care about, and my love for them is fickle and all over the place. My friends and boyfriend deserve so much more than what I'm giving. It's sad... I wish I could be a better person.
They are so good to me and I am just horrible. I make them sad, then I yell at them for having emotions. All of you guys who read this, I love you and I'm sorry for screwing you over.
Whether it's now, will happen, or already has happened, I'm sorry.

CITTTY!

2008-02-14T16:00:00.000-08:00

We beat UNITED the other day! Talk about amazing! I mean... not that I didn't think we could! GO BOYS IN BLUE! I love you! Well... I have a lot to say but don't feel like saying it right now... So I'm going to just put pictures of... godlike people... on here.
(FROM TOP LEFT) Sid Vicious, David Bowie, Oasis, Courtney Taylor Taylor, Noel Gallagher

GAG

2008-02-04T14:17:00.000-08:00

Grr... I hate all of this. My friends are so weird. I love some of them, but most of them just get under my skin...
Some of them annoy me at times (Spiller...) but they're still the couple of people that I love most... So I'm not talking about minor annoyances...
I'm talking about they make me want to stick a shotgun in my mouth sometimes...
GAH AND CITY LOST TO ARSENAL THE OTHER DAY! :( IT'S A VERY SAD THING TO LOSE 3-1... Oh well... Sigh... We'll pull out of it and kick the fuck out of United on Sunday! (I think it's Sunday... I hope it's Sunday)
I'm talking to Workman right now. He has purple pants. It's a little odd... Have to go get reception. Later

Well. After some trouble, I know

2008-01-31T18:24:00.000-08:00

There's this John Lennon song called "I Found Out" that describes exactly how I'm feeling at the moment. I just found out that my friend that I thought I could trust is not a nice person. She is a bitch who uses me for her own good. But I gave up and it feels really good. It's like the mummy bird pushing the baby out of the nest. The baby bird either falls and dies SPLAT on the ground, or it takes off and flies. Point is that it's not the mummy bird's problem any longer. What I learned from this is that it is very necessary to monitor even closer than I already do who I let get close to me. I will never let anyone get close to me then fuck me over again. I keep saying that. I have said that since I was little and I still let it happen. Oh well. It's a cycle. A seemingly wonderful person comes along, befriends me when I need it, acts like the coolest person, becomes a parasite and fucks me over until I'm worse than when it started, then jets... It's my life mate...
Oh well... One down only 66 billion other people to screw me deeper into the ground... At least I'm done with that one person for good! She has no reason to stick around either. None of my friends get along with her... Or at least that's what they say... Not my problem anymore though! : )

My friends

2008-01-27T15:40:00.000-08:00

I have a lot of people who think they're my friends. They don't care/matter that much though. I have some people who are my friends 60-% of the time. I have about 7 people who are my friends all the time.
These are the people who stick with me through thick and thin. They really don't care how horrible I am at times. They love me anyhow. They don't always have to be the one talking, or the one with all the attention. They never try to steal people away from me. Here they are:
Cat:
I've known you since 5th grade. I love you to death. You drive me out of my head sometimes... Every once in a while I just can't stand you because some things about us are so different. But who cares about those times? And besides, they just make all the other times that much more special. You are one of the people who has always been there for me and loved me for who I am. There is so much that we have done together. There is so much that would take way too long to type on here....

Theresa:
I've known you for as long as Cat. Sometimes we don't spend very much time together so I forget about you... But there is no one who can replace you. You get on my nerves because of the people you subject me to sometimes... But still. I have to love you. It's impossible to meet you and not...

Mo:
I haven't known you as long, but I love you just as much. I've known you since 7th grade, and really started to get along with you around March of 8th grade. After the first time you spent the night and we ate the Chinese food and you drank the lemon sauce as a drink, I knew that we were going to get along just fine. We don't agree on everything, but that's one of the things that makes us get along so well. You're just one of those people who are so nice that they're irresistible.

Workman:
I've known you since we were in 5th grade but I never really liked you until 8th grade. You were so quiet I thought that you never wanted to talk to me. Thank god that's not the case. You are so sweet. You're my best friend. We don't agree on everything, just most things... You're one of the best people I've ever met and I hope that I'll know you for as long as I live. I thank you for letting me take my time to trust you and for understanding that there are still things that I wish I could tell you but it will take me a very long time to be able to... Just know that no matter what I say to you ever, I love you so much. I'll see you in hell! Just kidding! You're too much of a sweet heart to be in hell.

Spiller:
Well, 7th grade... Ick. Then 8th grade... Well, you know how it went... Unfortunately, I think I'm taking the same road again. I don't know what it is about you but... Oh well. The thing is that you are most definitely one of the 4 most wonderful people I have ever met and I wouldn't be alive if it weren't for you. No matter what happens, or how you feel about me, you're stuck with me. I love you. There are some things that I really wish I could tell you, but after how it went last time, I'm kinda afraid to. You'll probably never read this but if you ever do, I love you. You're my best friend. And no matter what happens, you are definitely a perfect person. Thanks for sticking around long enough for me to see that you can be funny at times. I don't know where I would be without you. You're gonna save me. Thanks in advance.

Mikky:
I barely even need to say anything about you... I can't think of anything that we haven't done... You're one of the greatest people in the world and I love you.

Dar:
I don't really know what to say about you. We have been through a lot together, but I feel like I'm losing you sometimes... I really feel like you're slipping away. Maybe it's me doing the slipping, but one of us needs to grab on to the other and hold tight because it's getting to be rough waters...

Well this is the new blog so have fun reading it...

2008-01-27T15:12:00.000-08:00

For those of you that know me, hey. For those of you that don't, bugger off! This ought to be interesting. Since I don't have anything to put on right now, I'll put the super long email I just responded to on here...

sorry bout the tall thing mo... im just jealous... : )
TEN things you wish you could say to TEN different people right now:

1. What's wrong with you? I think that I made a mistake becoming your friend and trusting you.

2. Thank GOD for you. I could NOT make it without you.

3. You're my lifeline. Whether you know it or not, I really love you.
4. How come you are so cold?

5. You are annoying. You talk way too much, you are a big twat and at times I really never want to talk to you again.
6. You're always there except for when I need you.
7. You're one of the most wonderful people that I've ever met. I love you and you seem to like me.
8. You're very confusing. Just when I think I've got you figured out, I find out that there's something else... or maybe not...
9. You're hilarious! I almost never talk to you but it always brightens my day when we talk in class!
10. You act like a bit of a slut.

NINE things about yourself:

1. I can't tie my shoes
2. I try not to annoy people, and I hope that they will tell me if I do.
3. I know what I want with my life, but I'm not sure if I want to finish it.
4. I enjoy the company of about 4 people.
5. I don't trust people, and when I'm mad, I won't tell you why
6. I'm passive aggressive, most of the time, (WITH EXCEPTIONS) the more I shove you away, the more I need you. I'm starting to learn how to not...

7. I hate talking on the phone.

8. I don't tell people what I really think.
9. I don't want people to constantly worry because if they ever need to, then they won't.

EIGHT ways to win your heart:

1. Talk to me when I'm sad. Simple, and it's the thing that will attach me to you forever

2. Don't take it seriously when I make fun of you.
3. Know that when I don't tell you things, it's not your fault I can't trust you

4. Don't insult my music...
5. Keep doing what you're doing (most of you, except the annoying ones I mentioned)
6. FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE, WHEN I TELL YOU I LOVE YOU, SAY THAT YOU LOVE ME TOO UNLESS YOU DON'T!

7. Be patient with me. Things don't change over night...
8. Just listen every once in a while. You don't always have to be the one talking for us to have a conversation.

SEVEN things that cross your mind a lot:

1. "what-if's"
2. The fear of people that I love dying
3. death
4. anything musical
5. if i'm failing biology... WHICH I'M NOT! : )
6. If I will be able to have kids
7. If my friends are happy

SIX things you wish you never did:

1. sometimes, been born

2. fought with dar for the first quarter
3. took photography... naw.. then i never would have met collin...
4. wrote that note to my mum
5. let myself get so upset about everything

6. some stuff...

FIVE turn offs:

1. bad music

2. pretending not to care
3. talking too much
4. talking to everyone and being convinced that they all love you

5. ignoring me when you think people will notice us talking

FOUR turn ons:
1. liking good music, and having good views on things like religion...
2. unconditional love
3. i love funny people and people who will respond when i talk to them
4. as far as looks go, i like guys with big noses... lol

THREE smileys that describe your life:

1.
2.
3.

TWO things you want to do before you die:

1. join the peace corps then have kids
2. see oasis, david bowie, and the dandy warhols perform

ONE confession:

1. No matter what I say, I need you guys. Don't go away. I love you all (some more than others : P but...) And sometimes, yeah, I don't like you at all. So what? I know that I'm not always wanted. There are some of you that I like all the time. I will text you a message that says that when I send this email